Throughout a woman’s journey in life, she will meet numerous individuals who will inform her of her rightful place: what she ought to do with her life, her time, her aspirations, her body.
In truth, the majority of individuals she encounters will do this without even realizing it – more often than not, however, they are aware.
They desire for her to understand their perspective of her and to feel the burden of their viewpoint… Whatever that may be. Each person has their own distinct expectations for her.
I was nearly oblivious to this before I embarked on my travels. I handled inquiries about my past, my present, and my future plans with trepidation, attempting to predict what my inquirer wanted to hear and respond adequately so that they could leave me be.
Everyone had a unique opinion on how my life should unfold, and keeping track of each was draining. I was so focused on matching societal expectations that I paid no attention to measuring up to my own. I merely wished for others’ satisfaction so I could proceed without being judged.
However, during my travels, I finally grasped the impact this was having on me. I observed social expectations that differed from mine, prompting me to reflect on my own culture.
My initial experience overseas was a journey to Israel with my father, and my subsequent trip took me back to Israel for a Christian study tour. I spent three months living in Jerusalem’s Old City, and the world I encountered there was such a blend of contrasts that it began to awaken me.
I had already been aware that travel could pose a more significant set of challenges for women compared to men. Much of life does, indeed, depending on your geographical location.
I had received various pieces of advice in preparation for my journey: avoid making eye contact with Arab men, as they might assume you’re interested in them. Don’t wander alone in the Muslim Quarter. Ensure to dress modestly, but try not to appear like a local lest you become a target in a terrorist attack.
From this guidance, I understood that adapting to interactions with the cultures I was diving into would be challenging… But I did not realize just how challenging until I had settled in.
The social expectations I encountered in Israel shifted with each community I found myself with at the moment… Orthodox Jews, Christian Arabs, Israeli Arabs, Eastern Orthodox Christians.
For an even greater culture shock, these expectations were ingrained in the very essence of my daily strolls down the street! It was unlike anything I had ever encountered in suburban California.
At first, it was thrilling! I felt a sense of comfort being among unknown faces: I didn’t owe anyone explanations about my future! I could recreate my identity if I wanted to! But soon I found that individuals could indicate my role in more discreet, visceral manners, often without any spoken words.
Strolling down the street, I realized that women were anticipated to step aside in a crowd, even when it would be simpler for the man walking towards me. Men held authority over the streets; and according to them, it was my duty to move aside for them.
While heading to the grocery store, I was instructed to smile by men I couldn’t meet eyes with. Clearly, it was expected of me to appear agreeable to strangers.
Whenever I stepped outside after dinner, two men in a doorway propositioned to purchase me for the night, as though I were a sex worker. In their eyes, I was an object meant for their enjoyment.
During visits to sacred places, whether operated by Catholics or Muslims, it was primarily my female friends and I whose attire was examined – we were individuals to be monitored.
When I was by myself in a church garden, a man came in from the street and assaulted me. I was his target.
I had never experienced such treatment before. I realized that it wasn’t appropriate: I wasn’t any of those things. I, too, am a human being. I deserved to be treated with as much dignity as they extended to other men.
As I kept grappling with the culture, I was hit with insights about my own culture: I don’t owe anyone an explanation for how I choose to live my life. I don’t need to feel sorry for not going away to college and obtaining a degree, for not having a job by the time I turn 25. It’s not their role to dictate mine.
I was a worthy individual in my own right, a person created in the exact likeness of God. I had a right to respect…. And when I arrived home, even though I struggled to make eye contact with men for several weeks, I came to understand that I had the right to provide my own answers to the inquiries people directed at me – not an answer they wished to hear. Now that I had had the opportunity to reflect on my life in my own manner, I was beginning to form those answers.
I reach out to my fellow women traveling alone: you are important.
You possess dreams and ambitions, and you are capable of chasing them… And you can do so without feeling the need to apologize. If you’re unsure of where you fit in, go seek it out!
Journey to new destinations, immerse yourself in different cultures, pursue varied opportunities, go solo at least once! You will discover where you truly belong and learn how resilient you are in the process.
I won’t deceive you: it can be daunting. It’s always uneasy in one way or another and can pose risks if you aren’t ready for what you encounter. But the treasures you stand to gain are treasures of the soul and spirit.
You will be struck by contrasts you weren’t even aware existed, and compelled to reevaluate every assumption you’ve ever held… And when you accept the challenge, you will unveil a bit more of who you are and who you aspire to become.
You’ll come to know your own heart and find your own answers, simply because that is all you possess. You will uncover where you wish to be and find the courage and tranquility to reach there.
I recognize the apprehension, but as someone who also comprehends the freedom, I encourage you to travel if you have the opportunity.
Now that I’ve traveled more, I feel more assured. I still have space for growth, for discovery, for shaping who I am – but I know who I am. I understand my worth. I have a place in the world: my place is wherever I choose for it to be! And I want you to pause and reflect: so could yours.
The third occasion I visited Israel, this time as a solo traveler, I strolled down the same streets. Familiar faces welcomed me, alongside the old difficulties.
One day, while heading to the post office, a teenage boy was coming from the direction I had just walked. The nearly empty street had ample space, so I maintained my path, looking around and savoring the morning.
It quickly became clear that, no matter where he intended to go, he would walk far too close to me, just for the enjoyment of making me move aside… But this time, I was prepared. I kept going forward, ready to shift slightly if he made the first move, and sidestep a collision – but he didn’t budge. So, I didn’t either.
When we collided, I frowned in disapproval while he gazed up at me in astonished disbelief. I shook my head at him to convey “silly child, get out of the way next time,” then dismissed it and proceeded without glancing back.
To all women traveling alone out there, let’s take action.
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